| The Rebbe Nachman of Breslow often said, | | | | sense of positive self-love by mentally hugging |
| Always remember-Joy is not merely incidental | | | | ourselves as the child that we once were. Others |
| to your spiritual quest. It is vital. | | | | practice by intentionally giving oneself a for real |
| As the years have gone by and I’ve been | | | | quick hug, even if no one else does, or looking in |
| in the practice of psychology over 20 years, I | | | | the mirror and saying to oneself, "I am special and |
| have become more and more convinced that he | | | | my strengths are unique and perfectly suited for |
| was so right, that joy is not an option. When we | | | | what I want and need to do in life! |
| take away joy and we take away a sense of | | | | Another step in successfully passing through the |
| well-being, a sense that we are thriving, we allow | | | | Second Gateway is acknowledging that the story |
| ourselves or seem to find ourselves in | | | | of your life is a fascinating fabric of adventures, |
| circumstances that seem to drain, tire and | | | | episodes, happenings, and even mis-haps that |
| weaken us. We are no longer the whole human | | | | have come together to make a most unique |
| being that is our birthright! | | | | person and that is YOU! Once you can begin to |
| THE ENCHANTED SELF is a positive psychology | | | | see that your triumphs are to be honored and |
| approach to mental health that works both in the | | | | celebrated and that your defeats have within |
| treatment room and out. I teach people the | | | | them the wisdom and the learning that takes you |
| techniques they need to start to think in positive | | | | later in life to new heights you are well along on |
| ways about themselves and their world. Thus I | | | | the road to Enchantment. |
| teach them how to see what is right about | | | | The Third Gateway to Enchantment is Learning |
| themselves, rather than what is wrong. I also | | | | To Meet Your Needs and Negotiate for Yourself. |
| teach them to appreciate their own life story, its | | | | The worst thing is to be so dependent on others |
| ups and downs; the roller coaster ride that we all | | | | and the whims of others that we are not able to |
| go on. I teach how to value our potential even if | | | | live out our dreams. We need the education, the |
| in childhood we were put down or criticized, as so | | | | skills, the tools, and the negotiating powers that |
| many of us are. | | | | will take us to fulfill our missions in life. So, |
| I have the belief and I teach the belief that inside | | | | don’t be afraid of education, don’t |
| of each of us we know when we are on track | | | | be afraid to go back for a degree at sixty, |
| and we know when we are living a wholesome | | | | don’t be afraid to have a mentor, to look |
| life that fits with the integrity of our particular | | | | for advice, to find out how other people have |
| spirit. I call this sense of well-being The | | | | succeeded in a particular field. |
| Enchanted Self and I teach people how to find | | | | For instance, I remember treating a young |
| their "Enchanted Selves" again and again-how to | | | | woman who had so much to offer but no path! |
| recognize and celebrate the states of well-being | | | | Divorced and with two young sons she was |
| that signify they are in touch with the best of | | | | forced back into the parent's home and not |
| themselves. I stress the positive benefit of | | | | happy about it. But once she started back to |
| recalling memories about one's life in a fashion that | | | | school and became a nurse all her doors opened |
| permits us to discover and rediscover our own | | | | for her. She had financial security, a home again |
| talents and resources. I also emphasize how to | | | | for her boys and a future! It was tough but forth |
| find in our past the kernals of pleasure, and | | | | the struggle. |
| reservoirs of strength, that we can come home | | | | The fourth Gateway is the experience of joy. |
| to again and again, even if we need to reshape | | | | This Gateway is so incredibly essential. It means |
| these facets of ourselves to suite new | | | | replenishing yourself so that you are not running |
| circumstances Basically, this learning involves | | | | on empty. It also means not straining yourself, |
| listening to yourself, and reviewing your own past | | | | not accepting more assignments than you can |
| to see what worked for you, what really gave | | | | really handle. When I have opened this Gateway I |
| you pleasure. What aspects of yourself and your | | | | am able to bow out when I need to. Maybe I |
| life can you identify as necessary to experience a | | | | take that vacation I need or want or maybe I |
| state of well-being?. What do you need to feel | | | | am just strong enough to say I will do this task |
| whole? For example, if you loved to play the | | | | later or you better find someone else to handle it |
| piano as a child, then you may not really enjoy | | | | and then I get a good night's sleep. By protecting |
| watching football games as an adult. You may | | | | my mind, body and spirit I not only set hontest |
| much more enjoy listening to classical music. | | | | guidelines with others, so I don't disappoint them, |
| However, in order to live a full life, you may also | | | | but I make room for joy. Replenishment leads to |
| enjoy football games because your son loves | | | | feeling good and joy fills us when we are full of |
| them or your husband loves them. Thus there is | | | | life and vitality. Of course it is necessary to find |
| also an accommodation to someone you care | | | | the ways to replenish ourselves that work. |
| about and a resulting interest develops. | | | | If you love to travel, look for ways to travel. If |
| I think you can begin to see that what is going to | | | | you love to be with your friends, get together, if |
| work for each person is so unique to that | | | | you love to be with your grandchildren, then sit |
| individual! It involves a review of our history, and it | | | | on the floor and play games or plant a |
| involves analyzing the circumstances currently in | | | | garden
whatever works for you. |
| our lives. If we have a handicap we may not be | | | | The Fifth Gateway is the Gateway of |
| able to become a ballerina. Even if we have | | | | Community. We all know how important it is to |
| severe arthritis, we may not be able to become | | | | feel we belong, that others care about us and we |
| a ballerina at forty. However, the love of dance | | | | care about others. But, what you may not realize |
| since childhood may easily be converted into | | | | is that belonging is a major way to offset |
| wonderful yoga stretches that help arthritis and | | | | depression. You see, the more we are truly |
| feel 'dancy'. So often, there is a creative turn in | | | | connected to others and feel a responsibility within |
| the road, thinking out of the box, that the | | | | a world beyond ourselves, the less the tendency |
| Enchanted Self person develops. You find you | | | | is for us to get blue and withdrawn. Obviously, |
| have become an ENCHANTED SELF when you | | | | this is a very important Gateway. Finding the right |
| havethe courage to put together using your mind, | | | | communities to connect are ongoing assignments |
| heart, body and spirit new inventive ways of | | | | for all of us-where we live, who are friends are, |
| bringing pleasure and meaning into your life. | | | | what church or synagogue we attend, what |
| The steps I teach people are rigorous but they | | | | interest groups we identify with, etc. |
| are no harder then all the habits we learn that | | | | The Sixth Gateway is the gateway of mentoring |
| keep us in bad moods and keep us depressed. | | | | and being a mentor. Very often, we dismiss and |
| For example, if I teach someone how to review | | | | minimize our own wisdom. We are wise, we have |
| at the end of the day everything that has gone | | | | a tremendous amount we can offer others and |
| right in their day, that it is no harder than listing | | | | there is always others to offer wisdom to |
| what went wrong. In fact it soon becomes easier | | | | ourselves. I love this little story that a friend told |
| than listing everything that went wrong. The | | | | me. She said I am learning so much from my |
| reason it becomes easier is that you don’t | | | | neighbor. I said, "Who is that?" She mentioned the |
| build up some of the rage and some of the anger | | | | persons name. I had never heard her mention her |
| that one can build up when we review the | | | | name before even though we often chatted. My |
| problems in our lives. Now we are encouraged | | | | friend said, Well, I don’t really know |
| rather than discouraged and even may end up | | | | her, I just watch her. I asked what do she |
| sleeping better and feeling better leading to much | | | | meant. |
| less energy drain. | | | | She explained, "She lives a few houses away and |
| I have found the most effective way to teach | | | | I watch her. I see how she greets her guests, |
| people how to access their Enchanted Self, i.e. to | | | | how welcoming she is, how she always walks a |
| find and hold onto feelings of joy, and a sense of | | | | guest out and says good-bye. I see her stand |
| well-being is to share the Seven Gateways To | | | | there until the guest leaves. I see how radiant her |
| Enchantment. It is a quick way to catch your | | | | smile is. Although she is twenty years younger |
| Enchanted Self. | | | | than myself, she is a real mentor for me, I am |
| So let’s explore the Gateways and then | | | | learning from her all the time." That is an example |
| try an enchanted assignment! | | | | of how easy it is to be mentored. Even the birds |
| The first Gateway is The Gateway of Knowing | | | | mentor us with their wonderful song. Start to look |
| Yourself In Positive Ways. That means getting to | | | | for mentors-you will find them all over. And don't |
| know your own talents and rediscovering your | | | | forget that you are a mentor-perhaps even when |
| lost potential. This is a fun gateway and it really | | | | you don't know it. |
| builds your self-esteem. You can pursue this | | | | Last but not least is the Gateway of Positive |
| Gateway, even while driving you car! For | | | | Action or Good Deeds. So essential in all the world |
| example, you can go over your life history, | | | | and so essential for good.mental health. Research |
| reviewing your strengths and talents. Start back | | | | shows that the more we help others, the more |
| in childhood-look for your strengths and talents, | | | | generous in spirit we are, whether we give time, |
| even if they were disregarded by your family, | | | | money, a smile, or a helping hand, our moods lift. |
| and maybe even yourself. Now, you have the | | | | Of course, if we offer to the point of exhaustion |
| maturity and wisdom to recognize these positive | | | | then we defeat the purpose and we will be on |
| parts of yourself. Even play with looking for your | | | | empty! The idea is to balance good mental health |
| lost dreams-what you thought you could do | | | | by using wise judgement calls of moderation and |
| before someone or circumstances may have | | | | balance. |
| dashed those dreams! | | | | These are the Seven Gates; we go through them |
| After you take some time with the First | | | | again and again in life. We never close a door on |
| Gateway, you are ready for the Second | | | | any of them, we are always back, we are always |
| Gateway. This is the one where you begin to fall | | | | learning more, we are always having to reflect on |
| in love with yourself! At the heart level you begin | | | | our lives one more time or learn some new |
| to feel your specialness. This may take time, not | | | | behaviors, make a new decision, recognize and |
| to worry. After all our society does not bring us | | | | acknowledge who we are and what we need and, |
| up to recognize what is special and wonderful | | | | of course, find new ways to bring pleasure and |
| about ourselves! Some of us get closer to this | | | | meaning into our lives. |