| Mommy, can we get a Christmas tree? Asked | | | | started lighting the Menorah on Hanukkah and |
| me my then-4 year old son. | | | | celebrating Passover with the traditional dinner. |
| Seemingly a simple question, but I've been | | | | One day my son came home from pre-school |
| dreading it since my son was born. | | | | singing "Jingle Bells". He was 4 years old and it was |
| I was born and raised in Israel. As a kid, I used to | | | | the week before Christmas. And then came the |
| watch on TV the Christians arriving at their | | | | dreaded question - "can we have a Christmas |
| churches in Jerusalem and Bethlehem for services. | | | | tree?". It was time for "the talk" - no, not the one |
| That was the only exposure to Christians I had in | | | | about the birds and the bees, the one about a |
| Israel. No Christmas tree, no presents, no Santa | | | | thing called "religion". I sat him down and explained |
| Clause... when I came to the US in my early | | | | to him that we don't celebrate Christmas because |
| twenties, I was astonished and amazed as I went | | | | we're Jewish. We celebrate Hanukkah instead. We |
| through the Holiday season. Nothing I had known | | | | light the menorah and sing Hanukkah songs |
| before had prepared me for it. The constant flow | | | | instead of decorating a tree and singing Christmas |
| of chocolates and cookies at the insurance | | | | songs. It was a confusing subject for a 4 year old |
| company I used to work for, the shopping craze, | | | | to grasp. I watched his face change expressions, |
| the parties, the colorful displays of Christmas | | | | as he was processing the information. He was still |
| trees everywhere, Santa clause in every store, | | | | confused. What does one have to do with the |
| and of course the "camaraderie" atmosphere of | | | | other? How come we can't celebrate both? Yes, |
| everyone around me. Everybody celebrated | | | | we celebrated Hanukkah last week, but what |
| Christmas. Or at least so it seemed. It was | | | | about Christmas next week? And does that |
| everywhere. You couldn't avoid it. You couldn't | | | | mean Santa won't be visiting our house? What |
| hide from it. But at the same time - I couldn't | | | | about my presents? Have I not been a good boy |
| participate in all of it either. I did go to a party or | | | | all year?... |
| two but still, it just wasn't my holiday. I went | | | | Hmmm. Didn't think about that. What do I do |
| through different stages over the years. At first I | | | | now?! I posted a question to the single mothers |
| felt extremely uneasy when people said to me | | | | group I belong to, asking for other mom's |
| "Merry Christmas". Everybody just assumed, or | | | | perspective. Most replies came from fellow Jewish |
| took it for granted, that you're "one of them" - | | | | mothers and emphasized the various ways each |
| either Christian or Catholic or any other | | | | celebrated Hanukkah. But that still didn't address |
| denomination that celebrated the birth of Jesus. | | | | the problem. One Jewish mother, who's daughter |
| I felt the need to "fight back" - or I would be | | | | is half African American, said they celebrated |
| betraying myself, my parents, my identity. I used | | | | "everything" - Hanukkah, Kwanza, Christmas, and |
| to reply - "I'm Jewish, I don't celebrate Christmas" | | | | a few other. |
| and watch their expression turned into | | | | I liked that idea. It got me thinking - what if I |
| amazement mixed with pity as they mumbled: | | | | adapted it and started celebrating Christmas, |
| "oh, sorry..." as if it had never occurred to them | | | | Jewish style? Is that going to work with our |
| that there are people who didn't celebrate | | | | religious identity? Are we breaking any religious or |
| Christmas. I always thought they felt sorry for | | | | ethical rules? Or is it just that uncomfortable |
| me for not celebrating Christmas - almost like a | | | | "Christmasy" feeling creeping up again? And what |
| flicker of a thought went through their mind of | | | | does it say about the strength of my conviction |
| what would their lives be without Christmas. An | | | | in right and wrong? Was it actually wrong? |
| unbearable thought... And then there were those | | | | After much consideration (and nagging from my |
| who said it in a way of "oh, excuse mmmeee! I | | | | son), I've decided to start "celebrating" Christmas, |
| didn't realize I was offending you by wishing you | | | | Jewish style. We went to the store and picked up |
| Merry Christmas!" | | | | a tree, got some decorations, came home and |
| As the years went by and I got more acclimated | | | | had some eggnog while decorating the tree. |
| to the Christmas season, I started participating | | | | There were no discussions about Jesus or the |
| (and even enjoying) some of the festivities. I no | | | | meaning of Christmas, but there were presents |
| longer felt the need to "fight back", but I was still | | | | under the tree from Santa on Christmas morning. |
| an outsider looking in. it still wasn't my holiday. | | | | My son was ecstatic. He was able to tell anybody |
| When my son was born I started celebrating | | | | who asked (pretty much everywhere we went) |
| more of the Jewish holidays. Growing up in a | | | | what he got for Christmas, instead of having to |
| Jewish state, I didn't have to do anything in | | | | say - in a gloomy face - "Santa doesn't come to |
| particular to celebrate the holidays. It was | | | | our house - we're Jewish..." or "we don't celebrate |
| everywhere. Everyone around me were Jewish. | | | | Christmas" and get the "pity look" from |
| But here it was different. I actually had to do | | | | everybody around him. |
| something to actively celebrate being Jewish. I | | | | And when he grows up he'll be able to tell his |
| used to think that the freedom of religion included | | | | college buddies about the time "he" discovered |
| the freedom to not be religious. But when my son | | | | there's no Santa Clause... |
| was born I wanted him to have a sense of | | | | Yes, peer pressure is a powerful thing. Although, |
| religion, and naturally, it had to be Judaism. We | | | | not as powerful as a mother's love for her son. |