| It's a familiar story, and I have been through it | | | | gossip and tell nasty stories about those who |
| before, and so have you. In January the | | | | fired me? Well that's how I felt, and it was |
| Synagogue Personnel Committee told me that | | | | perfectly normal for me to feel that way. I was |
| they were recommending that the synagogue not | | | | hurt, I was in pain, and I was looking for a focus |
| renew my contract. I had been here six years, | | | | to my anger. But I also knew that if I left angry, |
| and now they said it was time to go. I could have | | | | I would then not be completing my relationships |
| contested their decision by going public to the | | | | with my members and friends, and that I would |
| entire congregation, but I decided that if my | | | | continue to carry those feelings of anger with me |
| leadership didn't want me anymore to be their | | | | as I began a new rabbinic position. They would |
| Rabbi, that I was leaving. And then came the | | | | remain with me for as long as it took to conclude |
| grief... | | | | them. The problem would be, even as I began the |
| Why didn't they want me anymore? What had I | | | | new job, I would not be totally cleansed of the |
| done, or not done, that displeased them? How | | | | old one. |
| had I failed them? Did this mean that I was a | | | | So I had to consciously set out to leave in a good |
| "bad" Rabbi? A "bad" person? And even worse, | | | | way, and I did. What was the secret of my good |
| did they finally "find me out" as the imposter I | | | | leaving? I spoke about it in public, continually, right |
| sometimes think I am? It's called "The Imposter | | | | up until the day I left. You see, I had to help my |
| Syndrome," feeling that sometimes I have no idea | | | | friends and members say goodbye to me too, |
| what it is that I am supposed to be doing in my | | | | and so talking about leaving allowed both them |
| job, but if I could just "pretend" hard enough to | | | | and me to carry out what needed to be done. At |
| be doing the right thing, I could pass for a "good" | | | | first it was incredibly difficult for me to do this, |
| Rabbi. I had little idea how I had failed them, and | | | | but it did get easier as the year went on. Not |
| myself, but I felt that a little piece of me had died. | | | | everything went smoothly, however, especially |
| Here I was, 57 years old, once again looking for a | | | | when I was turned down by congregations in |
| job. Who needed it? Next would come interviews | | | | favor of younger and more handsome |
| with more congregations, asking me the | | | | candidates--they thought I was too old to be a |
| inevitable--Rabbi how did you screw up? Well, not | | | | good rabbi, can you imagine that??--but by the |
| in so many words, but that's really what they | | | | end, all went well. |
| wanted to know. Next would come phone | | | | And so, the end of the story is that my new |
| interviews and personal fly-up-there-for-the-day | | | | congregation, which you can see at the bottom |
| interviews, and maybe even weekend interviews. | | | | of the page, is today e-mailing me a contract. |
| Again??? Maybe the rabbinate wasn't for me | | | | When Ellen and I went there two weeks ago, |
| anymore, maybe I should look in other directions... | | | | they fell in love with us and we with them. I truly |
| So, I had lost something, a piece of myself, my | | | | believe that it is a match meant to be; my gifts |
| dignity, my honor, my feeling of job satisfaction. | | | | fit their needs, and vice versa. And, I have |
| How would I mourn, would I be angry and not | | | | concluded my relationship with my former |
| talk to people I had known for six years? Would I | | | | congregation and am now emotionally ready to |
| trash my congregation's leadership and hope that | | | | begin again. Had I not left appropriately, I would |
| they would be cursed by getting a rabbi who was | | | | be paralyzed in the future. Because I left |
| incompetent and ineffectual? Would I begin to | | | | appropriately, I am raring to go! |