| My father was sitting on the sofa in his condo | | | | because they can't remember what they are |
| when I suddenly saw a look of fright fill his face. | | | | saying. Thethird stage is when the afflicted no |
| His eyes opened wide, and his face contorted. He | | | | longer knows he or she has Alzheimer's and itno |
| started screaming, raising his arms to cover his | | | | longer bothers them. This is the calm before the |
| face, and kicking his legs out in front of him. | | | | storm, the time some greaterforce gives us to |
| "HELP! HELP! GET AWAY!" | | | | strengthen our resolve to withstand the onslaught |
| I sat there in shock, not knowing what was | | | | of the end. |
| happening or what to do. Prior to this,we were | | | | Alzheimer's disease, depending on the person's |
| having a conversation and all was okay, except | | | | care and genetics can last from afew years to |
| he thought I was hismother, as if it were a day in | | | | 10-15 years in length, and sometimes longer. |
| his childhood. | | | | My father finally got to the point where we |
| I yelled back, "What's happening?" He said | | | | couldn't take care of him anymore. Hecouldn't |
| monsters were coming through the walls. | | | | dress himself, he didn't want to eat, he couldn't |
| I never saw someone so frightened. His body | | | | bathe, and he couldn'tcontrol his bodily functions. |
| was in a fetal position, and he wascrying as if he | | | | We had a family meeting. Because of the effect |
| were a child living out his worst nightmare. I | | | | it washaving on my mother, my brothers and I |
| jumped up withoutthinking and grabbed the chair I | | | | decided it was time to place him in a homewhere |
| was sitting on and began swinging it around. I | | | | he would get better care. However, no one can |
| triedto force these invisible monsters out of his | | | | take care of an Alzheimer'spatient better than |
| home, but to no avail. | | | | their loved ones in a familiar familial setting. |
| I ran over to my father, grabbed his shaking | | | | Friends, aides,church/synagogue members, and |
| body, and held him tightly in my arms. Ibegan | | | | support groups will help out if you ask for thathelp |
| talking to him as if I were his mother; mixing the | | | | (that's what your local Alzheimer's chapter is for). |
| words I somehowremembered hearing in Yiddish | | | | It is not the time to beproud. |
| and Hebrew when I was a boy. "Sha (Be quiet), | | | | We told my father he was going into the hospital |
| Izzy. | | | | (not a home, which scared him)because he wasn't |
| Hineini (I'm here)." | | | | eating and we needed to build up his strength so |
| "Make them go away, Mama," my father pleaded | | | | he could comehome. We told him that every time |
| like a child. | | | | he said he wanted to leave with us. |
| And that was what my father had become. | | | | (Sometimesyou have to hide the truth to assuage |
| I was now the parent. | | | | their fears.) It was a sickly feeling walkingaway |
| My father grew up in Brooklyn, New York, a | | | | from him that first time, leaving him in the |
| Depression-era child, scared of theworld. My | | | | company of strangers, some whowere so far |
| grandparents, immigrants from Rumania, spoke | | | | gone that it was like an insane asylum for children. |
| Yiddish, a combination of | | | | As I left, I turned andlooked at him sitting in a |
| German and English, and other Eastern European | | | | wheelchair, scared. I felt like I was abandoning him. |
| languages. My grandmotherpassed away when I | | | | Helooked as if he was being abandoned. |
| was a teenager, and I was now in my forties, but | | | | I never felt so guilty in my life. |
| to my father Iwas his mother at that moment. | | | | My father got worse very quickly. He would walk |
| Where the words came from I don't now, but | | | | into other peoples' rooms and getin their bed, |
| after alifetime of listening to my parents speak | | | | thinking it was his room. He would sit in the |
| Yiddish at the dinner table so my brothersand I | | | | cafeteria staring at hisfood, not knowing what to |
| wouldn't know what they were saying, and taking | | | | do with it, until he wilted down from 180 pounds |
| German for a few years inhigh school to find out | | | | to 105. |
| what they were saying, I had picked up a few | | | | He smiled whenever he saw us, but I don't think |
| words andphrases. | | | | he knew who we were. However, wecontinued to |
| I rocked my father in my arms and screamed at | | | | visit him regularly, hoping he might have a second |
| these intruders, "GENUG! (ENOUGH!) | | | | of remembranceand happiness. |
| GAI KOCKEN AHFEN YAM!" (GET OUT OF HERE!) | | | | My father and I had a special relationship. I |
| until his crying subsided, which toldme the | | | | became what he always wanted to be. Iwas in |
| monsters were retreating. "Izzy," I said. He | | | | show business. At the opening night performance |
| opened his eyes and looked atme. "Gornisht! | | | | of my Broadway musical, |
| (Nothing!) Farshtaist? (You understand?)" My | | | | CANTERBURY TALES, I remember watching him |
| father stopped shaking,stopped crying, only now I | | | | stare at my name above the title, thepride so |
| was shaking and crying. No one wants anyone to | | | | evident on his face. When the show ended, I |
| suffersuch horrific fear. | | | | watched him stand with theaudience, applauding, |
| But, my father had Alzheimer's disease. | | | | tears streaming down his face. He thought I could |
| Suffering and torment was only the beginning of | | | | doanything. My father, although a brilliant artist all |
| the nightmare. | | | | his life like his own father was, wasforemost a |
| While my father was still living, the stress it put | | | | teacher in my eyes. He taught me to reach for |
| on my mother was debilitating. Shedid her best | | | | the stars, to dream, and tonot give up; to be |
| with him until her nerves got the best of her. I | | | | who I am, to be proud and confident, to seek |
| sent her to Houston fortwo weeks to stay with | | | | solace with myconscience, to revere wisdom and |
| my brother. I moved out of my own house, with | | | | beauty, to hope and help others. I |
| the blessingof my wife and children, and into my | | | | neverremember him voicing a negative comment, |
| parents' condo. As a writer, I was | | | | nor speaking a harsh word, norespousing a |
| fortunateenough to work my own schedule, so I | | | | prejudicial epithet toward, or about, anyone or |
| spent all day with my father cooking mealsthat | | | | anything. There was apreponderance of love in |
| his mother used to cook when he was a boy, | | | | him, a love that was visible and shared with all he |
| hoping to make him feel moresecure. I purchased | | | | cameinto contact. |
| his favorite foods and treats, and I took walks | | | | Family was all-important, all encompassing to my |
| around his condodevelopment, talking to him | | | | father. He loved my motherunconditionally, and his |
| about the past and trying to bring the present | | | | children and grandchildren passionately. He wasn't |
| into theconversation. I never mentioned his | | | | areligious man, nor was he a pious man. To him, |
| disease to him. I find too many people talk to | | | | humanity was his persuasion. Tolive life with |
| Alzheimer's victims as if they're not there, and/or | | | | dignity, with compassion toward (wo)man and |
| they try to correct the mistakesthey make. | | | | nature, and respect foryourself, made my father |
| They are going to forget a few minutes later; | | | | a reverent man, a humanitarian, in our eyes. |
| however, those fewminutes of confusion fills | | | | Finally, after four years, my father's kidneys failed |
| them with terrible trepidation and guilt. The two | | | | and he was rushed to thehospital. The family was |
| weeks Ispent with my father, I was either his | | | | called, and as we had a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) |
| mother, or sister, and I played the role. I | | | | order, wewent to the hospital to stay with him |
| neverallowed him to feel uncomfortable or | | | | until he passed on. I remember my brothersand |
| confused or angry with himself. You can'treverse | | | | sister-in law, and my wife and children, kiss him |
| the effects of Alzheimer's disease, so the best a | | | | goodbye in the emergencyroom. He was slipping |
| caregiver can do is to 'gowith the flow' and bask | | | | into a coma, and it was heart-wrenching watching |
| in the victim's moments of happy reflection, or | | | | him leaveus. I was the last one to say goodbye. I |
| segue intosomething that will make the victim's | | | | took his hand, kissed his cheek, andwhispered in |
| mind switch gears from the torment of | | | | his ear how much I love him. I then said, "I just |
| notremembering. | | | | got my first novelpublished." To my shock, and |
| Alzheimer's disease comes in four stages. The | | | | happiness, he squeezed my hand slightly to let |
| first stage can go unnoticed for fiveto ten years. | | | | meknow he was proud of me. |
| The second stage is when the person knows he | | | | It was the last memory my father took with him. |
| or she has the diseaseand is angry at themself | | | | And it was beautiful for both of us. |